Friday, September 18, 2009

Why Starbucks and Vapid Chicks amuse me.....

So....yeah.....yesterday I was at Starbucks at the Block, getting some water cause it was so flippin' hot late at night even.

anyway.....the line was like twenty five people long and I was in back of all of it....and these two girls come in behind me. I'm not trying to generalize, but I'm going to right now cause there's no other words to describe them except 'valley girls" like 16 years old maybe with enough makeup to cover an entire Broadway show......

twice over....

Anyway...they're talking loudly. I mean really loudly. Enough to drown out the chatter coming from the combined efforts of roughly fourty five to fifty people in that small Starbucks.

here's what I heard....not word for word...but near enough:

Girl1" David says he didn't want to hang out with me because he was tired."
Girl2"sure he was tired. You kow you need to ditch the loser and get another guy.'
Girl1"I don't get why he doesn't want to see me. We spent all last week together....and the last few days and he seemed fine then.'
Girl2"if he thinks he can just blow you off..."
Girl1"yeah totally. Like he's gonna find another girl as hot as me who will date him..."
Girl2"Put him in line."
Girl1"Well, his pal Drew likes me. I've seen him checking me out. You know those two are best'll probably hurt if I sleep with Drew wouldn't it?"
Girl2"Well then maybe David will learn to spend time with you..."
Girl1"Seriously. Fucking loser. I bet I call him right now and he's just lying around the house."
Girl2 Well...I bet Drew's home. Call him up and maybe you can...."

At this point everyone in Starbucks is now looking at tese two, either blantently staring, or shooting them side looks. Now...I'm directly in front of these two back turned to them...and slowly but surely my blood pressure is rising. 

Now we enter my mind:

It's Hot!
I'm the last person in line of like a zillion people, half of whom have no idea what they want to drink!!!
in fact I'm pretty sure those morons ordering right now have changed their order like twelve times.
GET OFF YOUR CEL PHONE AND ORDER YOU TWIT! just because you have your thumb up your butt doesn't mean the rest of us do!!! 
All I want is TWO BOTTLES OF hard is that?! There needs to be a line for people who just want bottles of water. Simple no effort order. Each bottle is 1.80$ and you just have to pay for it and pick it up out of the cooler...
Jesus Christ what are these two idiots talking about behind me?!?!?

As you may have gathered, I'm not a patient person when it comes to waiting in least not while it's hot and I'm tired....

Well...that part of the conversation I listen in on and I have to tell you this....girls like these girls really piss me really really piss me off. Right up there with Animal Abusers and Racist People

I don't know what came over me. I turned around and shouted:

"Oh Shut your Damn Mouth!! The Reason your poor boyfriend who has got to have the patience of a SAINT wants to stay home is probably because HE'S TIRED OF YOUR FUCKING RETARDED ASS MOUTH! It's girls like you who end up on talk shows not knowing which of the NINE guys she slept with is the father of her baby!!! YOU GIVE ALL GIRLS A BAD NAME YOU SPOILED, STUPID BITCH!!!"

I swear to you that's what I said. I'm not joking. 

You could have heard a pin drop. Not joking. Really not joking. Then like a few people clapped and a few people laughed, and a few more people cheered a little. The girl didn't say anything...just looked really really really surprised.

I got to the front of the line and very calmly asked for two bottles of water. The guy got them for me and just GAVE them to me. I held out the $3.60 for him but he just waved it away and told me it was on them. I left and like three people patted me on the back as I left. 

All in all...I'm kinda sorry I did it...but damnit someone had to say something. it was like a Eric Cartman meltdown moment. not joking. I'm still a bit shocked about it.  My buddy Ryan said it was sort of my "slaying a dragon." thing...I'm not sure what he means by that, but woot for me....I think?

(this was a repost and re edit on my part, so if you read it sorry....but the grammar and general flow of the post was bugging me...)


JennyMac said...

I am also impatient in lines..and lines full of silly people..NO FUN AT ALL...

give em hell Gauche. No wonder you got your water for free!!!!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I'd have given you even more free water. With a smile. And a thumbs up. Awesome.

moooooog35 said...

..but were they hot? I guess I missed that part of the story.