Anyhow, I enjoy a position of minor power over a modest amount of employees and they take orders from me. But I admit, even if I am getting paid more, I loved doing the hands on, interactive part of my job, as opposed to what I do now, which is file paper work, schedule breaks and lunches, stick to our budget and generally make sure everything is running smoothly.
It's not as fun.
Yes, I loved doing the grunt work, believe it or not.
anyhow....let me start by saying the following post was made about three years ago, but my dear friends Jules, Darian and Cade thought this would be a funny blog for me to put up.
I got a bit bored, so I put together the "Helpful Ways to make it thru a Theme Park without the Employees murdering you and your loved ones." in a sort of order...enjoy....
ABOUT TIME!!!
1.Don't arrive for any show at the marked show time. Show up earlier...by at least 20 minutes.
2.If a ride line is posted over 30 minutes, guess what? Whining about it won't make the line move faster. We've done studies. It doesn't work.
3.If you are insane enough to come on Christmas Eve, or Thanksgiving weekend, or any other Holiday...guess what? The lines are gonna be long! you wanna know why? BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IN CHRISTENDOM HAS DECIDED TO COME AS WELL!!!!
4.Don't use this excuse when you come running up to the last time for any show "but we've wanted to do this all day, this is what we've been waiting for all day. Can't you please let us in?" Because if it was something you wanted to do so badly you should have come to an earlier show....planned better...and no...we cant' let you in because we've had to turn down the other 45 people behind you who asked the same thing.
5.Don't ever expect shows to be slow. They never are. Shows will run on time come hell or high water. even then, we've probably convinced Satan to hold off on the end of the world....and as for the water...we'll get a mop....the show will still run on time!!!
SAFETY FIRST!! SAFETY IS ALWAYS FIRST!!!
1.If you're walking along a parade route and see tape or ropes up...DON'T CROSS THOSE LINES. They're there for a reason.
2.Don't swing on our ropes....it really pisses us off. not to mention they might break and you'll be meeting the ground very soon. and trust us...we'll laugh, cause chances are, we've already warned you. oh, and no...w'ere not calling first aid for your broken finger and dislocated kneecap.
3.If you see a rope, chain, metal divider, tape, or any other borders....DON'T JUMP OVER, UNDER, WALK THRU IT!!! IT'S THERE FOR A REASON!! (if you die doing something stupid, we have a ton of paper work to do, and while we don't care that you died, we do hate paper work)
4.If there is a height limit on our ride no amount of complaining or threats will change that. It's the law, we can't do anything about it. So please stop trying to take your two month olds on our roller coasters.
5.Don't stand up during our rides. you're just going to force us to shut the ride down and then you'll be the one all the other 500 people are looking at, knowing you're making them wait. and no...we won't help you if a mob comes after you. in fact, we'll be handing out the pitchforks and torches.....
6.When you're moving in a crowd of people try and go with the flow of traffic. (SERIOUSLY, IT NOT A HARD THING TO DO!!!!)
7.if your child is a half inch under the height requirment, it's STILL UNDER THE HEIGHT REQUIRMENT. IT'S NOT A RULE WE CAN BEND, IT'S FOR THEIR SAFETY. AS A RESPONSIBLE ADULT YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS.
8.Would you jump off the cross walk into moving traffic outside of the park? No? Well the same rule applies here. Don't do it. our floats are considered moving vehicles in every sense of the word. DON'T JUMP IN FRONT OF THEM!
9.Read all the boarding rules for any ride. it will only take an extra moment or two. and it'll save you a hell of a lot of trouble.
ABOUT TIME!!!
1.Don't arrive for any show at the marked show time. Show up earlier...by at least 20 minutes.
2.If a ride line is posted over 30 minutes, guess what? Whining about it won't make the line move faster. We've done studies. It doesn't work.
3.If you are insane enough to come on Christmas Eve, or Thanksgiving weekend, or any other Holiday...guess what? The lines are gonna be long! you wanna know why? BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IN CHRISTENDOM HAS DECIDED TO COME AS WELL!!!!
4.Don't use this excuse when you come running up to the last time for any show "but we've wanted to do this all day, this is what we've been waiting for all day. Can't you please let us in?" Because if it was something you wanted to do so badly you should have come to an earlier show....planned better...and no...we cant' let you in because we've had to turn down the other 45 people behind you who asked the same thing.
5.Don't ever expect shows to be slow. They never are. Shows will run on time come hell or high water. even then, we've probably convinced Satan to hold off on the end of the world....and as for the water...we'll get a mop....the show will still run on time!!!
SAFETY FIRST!! SAFETY IS ALWAYS FIRST!!!
1.If you're walking along a parade route and see tape or ropes up...DON'T CROSS THOSE LINES. They're there for a reason.
2.Don't swing on our ropes....it really pisses us off. not to mention they might break and you'll be meeting the ground very soon. and trust us...we'll laugh, cause chances are, we've already warned you. oh, and no...w'ere not calling first aid for your broken finger and dislocated kneecap.
3.If you see a rope, chain, metal divider, tape, or any other borders....DON'T JUMP OVER, UNDER, WALK THRU IT!!! IT'S THERE FOR A REASON!! (if you die doing something stupid, we have a ton of paper work to do, and while we don't care that you died, we do hate paper work)
4.If there is a height limit on our ride no amount of complaining or threats will change that. It's the law, we can't do anything about it. So please stop trying to take your two month olds on our roller coasters.
5.Don't stand up during our rides. you're just going to force us to shut the ride down and then you'll be the one all the other 500 people are looking at, knowing you're making them wait. and no...we won't help you if a mob comes after you. in fact, we'll be handing out the pitchforks and torches.....
6.When you're moving in a crowd of people try and go with the flow of traffic. (SERIOUSLY, IT NOT A HARD THING TO DO!!!!)
7.if your child is a half inch under the height requirment, it's STILL UNDER THE HEIGHT REQUIRMENT. IT'S NOT A RULE WE CAN BEND, IT'S FOR THEIR SAFETY. AS A RESPONSIBLE ADULT YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS.
8.Would you jump off the cross walk into moving traffic outside of the park? No? Well the same rule applies here. Don't do it. our floats are considered moving vehicles in every sense of the word. DON'T JUMP IN FRONT OF THEM!
9.Read all the boarding rules for any ride. it will only take an extra moment or two. and it'll save you a hell of a lot of trouble.
10. if we say no lap sitting, we mean no lap sitting. end of story.
BEING A DECENT HUMAN BEING!!!
1.Try to listen to what we are saying to you. After all...we were trained to do our jobs.
2.Remember that we are humans as well. We DON'T LIKE BEING YELLED AT, cursed at, threatened, called names, insulted, abused or treated like slaves. We are here to HELP you, not to be USED by you.
3.Don't flip off cameras that are taking your picture on the rides. We will catch it and delete it. Plus you're ruining the memories of people who aren't being morons.
4.Acting like an ass to look "tough" or "cool" only makes you look like an ass and nothing else.
5.it's not considered "cool' to break the rules. you're just being stupid. (again, we don't call first aid for retards. We call custodial to pick up bodies.)
6.USE THE TRASH CANS!!!!
7.We don't make up the prices for food and mechandise. Complaining to us about it won't lower the prices.
8. if a ride has broken down remember this......NO, we didn't do it on purpose, YES we are trying to fix it as soon as possible, NO we can't make things go any faster, YES we want you to be as safe as possible, NO you're not helping matters by complaining....in fact chances are you're causing more of us to have to come out to deal with your stupidity, and less of them are working on the problem...thus making the wait for us to resume operations EVEN LONGER!!!!!!!!!
WATCHING YOUR OWN CHILDREN!!!!
1.WATCH YOUR CHILDREN!!! we are NOT babysitters! It doesn't matter if it's a indoor show....other people are watching it too. EITHER CORRAL YOUR KIDS OR LEAVE.
2.our theaters are not nurseries! please watch your children!!!!!
3.No...it is NOT okay to change your child's diaper in the middle of our line/ theater/ courtyard/ walkway/ ride itself/ public bench/ resturant/ boat/ train/ plane/ gondola/ vehicle/ raft/ flowerbed/ garden/ terrace/ river/ lake/ stream areas......EVER. THIS IS WHAT RESTROOMS ARE FOR!! THERE ARE RESTROOMS EVERYWHERE AND ALL OF THEM ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE AREAS TO CHANGE YOUR CHILD. DO NOT DO SO ANYWHERE ELSE BUT A RESTROOM! THAT IS THE BOTTOM LINE AND IT WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE!!!
COMMON SENSE THAT ISN'T SO COMMON ANYMORE!!
1.Don't be a idiot and wear high heels to our parks. it's a theme park and none of us give a rat's ass what you look like. Plus by the end of the night you're going to be really sore. And we don't have trams all over the park
2.If it doesn't come from a bottle, cup, or glass...DON'T DRINK THE WATER!! Ducks and various other water fowl have used it as a toilet. (seriously, it's not good for you...at all...but hey, if you wanna win a Darwin Award, be my guest)
3.If you're in an indoor show, do yourself a favor and don't use flash photography. It's pretty much standard for the whole park.
4.Our theaters don't have restrooms. NONE OF THEM DO!! use one before you go to a show.
5.If you have a voucher, fast pass or any other sort of ticket....READ IT!!! ALL OF IT...EVEN THE FINE PRINT....READ ALL OF IT. TWICE. UNTIL YOU'VE READ ALL OF IT AND CAN QUOTE IT WORD FOR WORD.
6.Get a map of the parks. It helps us, when you ask us where things are at. We understand not all of you have been here, but the map helps.
7.get a show guide. It's very useful
8.Read the fine print on your vouchers. I WILL REPEAT...READ THE FINE PRINT ON YOUR VOUCHERS!!!! READ IT!!!
9.DO NOT SPLIT UP YOUR GROUP!! It makes us have to send our search parties. And don't separate them going into shows and expect them to be able to join you in the middle of the show. it doesn't work that way. Would you go on a roller coaster, expect the ride to stop halfway thru so the rest of your party could join you? The same applies to our theaters. KEEP YOUR ENTIRE PARTY TOGETHER!!!!
10.DON'T STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET TO LOOK AT YOUR MAP. people are trying to walk. move to the side!
11.RENT A LOCKER!!! it's like less then 10 dollars for the ENTIRE DAY!! you have less of a chance of loosing something if you do this...and trust us, in a group of over three, you're gonna wanna do this!!
BEING A DECENT HUMAN BEING!!!
1.Try to listen to what we are saying to you. After all...we were trained to do our jobs.
2.Remember that we are humans as well. We DON'T LIKE BEING YELLED AT, cursed at, threatened, called names, insulted, abused or treated like slaves. We are here to HELP you, not to be USED by you.
3.Don't flip off cameras that are taking your picture on the rides. We will catch it and delete it. Plus you're ruining the memories of people who aren't being morons.
4.Acting like an ass to look "tough" or "cool" only makes you look like an ass and nothing else.
5.it's not considered "cool' to break the rules. you're just being stupid. (again, we don't call first aid for retards. We call custodial to pick up bodies.)
6.USE THE TRASH CANS!!!!
7.We don't make up the prices for food and mechandise. Complaining to us about it won't lower the prices.
8. if a ride has broken down remember this......NO, we didn't do it on purpose, YES we are trying to fix it as soon as possible, NO we can't make things go any faster, YES we want you to be as safe as possible, NO you're not helping matters by complaining....in fact chances are you're causing more of us to have to come out to deal with your stupidity, and less of them are working on the problem...thus making the wait for us to resume operations EVEN LONGER!!!!!!!!!
WATCHING YOUR OWN CHILDREN!!!!
1.WATCH YOUR CHILDREN!!! we are NOT babysitters! It doesn't matter if it's a indoor show....other people are watching it too. EITHER CORRAL YOUR KIDS OR LEAVE.
2.our theaters are not nurseries! please watch your children!!!!!
3.No...it is NOT okay to change your child's diaper in the middle of our line/ theater/ courtyard/ walkway/ ride itself/ public bench/ resturant/ boat/ train/ plane/ gondola/ vehicle/ raft/ flowerbed/ garden/ terrace/ river/ lake/ stream areas......EVER. THIS IS WHAT RESTROOMS ARE FOR!! THERE ARE RESTROOMS EVERYWHERE AND ALL OF THEM ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE AREAS TO CHANGE YOUR CHILD. DO NOT DO SO ANYWHERE ELSE BUT A RESTROOM! THAT IS THE BOTTOM LINE AND IT WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE!!!
COMMON SENSE THAT ISN'T SO COMMON ANYMORE!!
1.Don't be a idiot and wear high heels to our parks. it's a theme park and none of us give a rat's ass what you look like. Plus by the end of the night you're going to be really sore. And we don't have trams all over the park
2.If it doesn't come from a bottle, cup, or glass...DON'T DRINK THE WATER!! Ducks and various other water fowl have used it as a toilet. (seriously, it's not good for you...at all...but hey, if you wanna win a Darwin Award, be my guest)
3.If you're in an indoor show, do yourself a favor and don't use flash photography. It's pretty much standard for the whole park.
4.Our theaters don't have restrooms. NONE OF THEM DO!! use one before you go to a show.
5.If you have a voucher, fast pass or any other sort of ticket....READ IT!!! ALL OF IT...EVEN THE FINE PRINT....READ ALL OF IT. TWICE. UNTIL YOU'VE READ ALL OF IT AND CAN QUOTE IT WORD FOR WORD.
6.Get a map of the parks. It helps us, when you ask us where things are at. We understand not all of you have been here, but the map helps.
7.get a show guide. It's very useful
8.Read the fine print on your vouchers. I WILL REPEAT...READ THE FINE PRINT ON YOUR VOUCHERS!!!! READ IT!!!
9.DO NOT SPLIT UP YOUR GROUP!! It makes us have to send our search parties. And don't separate them going into shows and expect them to be able to join you in the middle of the show. it doesn't work that way. Would you go on a roller coaster, expect the ride to stop halfway thru so the rest of your party could join you? The same applies to our theaters. KEEP YOUR ENTIRE PARTY TOGETHER!!!!
10.DON'T STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET TO LOOK AT YOUR MAP. people are trying to walk. move to the side!
11.RENT A LOCKER!!! it's like less then 10 dollars for the ENTIRE DAY!! you have less of a chance of loosing something if you do this...and trust us, in a group of over three, you're gonna wanna do this!!
12. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR VACATION MONEY, CAMERA, VIDEO CAMERA, WALLET, PURSE OR ANYTHING OF VALUE IN YOUR STROLLER THEN WALK AWAY. NOT EVERYONE RUNS ON THE HONOR SYSTEM AND YOU'RE IN A PUBLIC PLACE. AND NO, WE DO NOT WATCH YOUR STROLLERS. SO NEVER ASSUME THAT WE DO, EVER.
13. READ YOUR VOUCHERS!!! EVEN THE FINE PRINT. READ YOUR VOUCHERS!!! AND THE FINE PRINT!!!
We ask you to read the fine print because not all the offers are the same. So when it says "prefered seating" this does NOT mean Priority seating. not by a long shot. it means if you show up at the correct time, we'll try to help you out. it does NOT mean we'll kiss your ass and call it ice cream. So suck it up and read your damn voucher.
HOW TO MAKE SURE WE DON'T WANT TO KILL YOU LATER......
1. We honestly do want to help you. Just be patient with us as well,and we'll do our best to help you.
2.We are not here to make your life hell. please have patience
3.Don't try lying to us. we're not idiots.
4.We pride ourselves on being attentive to your needs as guests....but this often time requires one on one time. Be patient.
5.when in doubt...ASK US!!!!!
6.IF A SHOW GETS CANCELED DON'T YELL AT US. WE DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE. and remember...when it comes to shows chances are we've done EVERYTHING, including sacrificing a one of our own to the almighty Show Lord to get it running again. If the show is canceled we've tried everything already. DON'T YELL AT US. IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD WHATSOEVER EXCEPT MAYBE MAKE US NOT WANT TO HELP YOU.
7.guess what? Most of us like working with people! please don't change that.....
8. We look out for each other. If you're a jerk toone of us.....well...we know all the hiding places backstage...nobody will ever find you. and we'll put you in a dark, cruel place....with no windows...and no doors. a place where light does not shine, where there is no hope of escape.....a place that is dark and cold, where you will count the passage of time not in days or years...but in centuries that drag thru an icy space.....a place where you will forever be haunted by the inhuman voice that will plague your mind......"It's a small world after all....it's a small, small world......"
HOW TO MAKE SURE WE DON'T WANT TO KILL YOU LATER......
1. We honestly do want to help you. Just be patient with us as well,and we'll do our best to help you.
2.We are not here to make your life hell. please have patience
3.Don't try lying to us. we're not idiots.
4.We pride ourselves on being attentive to your needs as guests....but this often time requires one on one time. Be patient.
5.when in doubt...ASK US!!!!!
6.IF A SHOW GETS CANCELED DON'T YELL AT US. WE DON'T DO IT ON PURPOSE. and remember...when it comes to shows chances are we've done EVERYTHING, including sacrificing a one of our own to the almighty Show Lord to get it running again. If the show is canceled we've tried everything already. DON'T YELL AT US. IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD WHATSOEVER EXCEPT MAYBE MAKE US NOT WANT TO HELP YOU.
7.guess what? Most of us like working with people! please don't change that.....
8. We look out for each other. If you're a jerk toone of us.....well...we know all the hiding places backstage...nobody will ever find you. and we'll put you in a dark, cruel place....with no windows...and no doors. a place where light does not shine, where there is no hope of escape.....a place that is dark and cold, where you will count the passage of time not in days or years...but in centuries that drag thru an icy space.....a place where you will forever be haunted by the inhuman voice that will plague your mind......"It's a small world after all....it's a small, small world......"
Well, that's my post. hope you enjoyed it. Just a friendly little reminder from your average guest service employee. Don't be a douchebag when you visit my Park. I'm not kidding about the first aid thing.
love you all.
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