Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Pooping Partners....

alright, so the other night I went with my boyfriend and a few of his buddies out to dinner at a nice Italian place near his house...we're meeting he buddy's new fiance for the first time, and its a slightly formal event.....

It's about half way thru dinner and we're having a great time...you can tell its gonna be one of those meals where the food will run out before the conversation does, cause everyone's having a blast.  It was a reunion of sorts and just a great mix of people. seriously, a fun night.

Anyhow, about half way thru this meal, I realize i have to use the restroom. Now I'm not the only girl at the table...there's three more girls, but I've never been one to need a potty buddy...

you know, when a girl says "I have to use the restroom, can someone come with me?" I've never understood that. What exactly do you need the other girl for? moral support? to hold your purse? look out? toilet spotter?  what the hell is that all about?

But I think I solved some of it....or caught it mid act or something...I don't know...

I get to the bathroom and all the stalls are taken. There's only four stalls and one of them is a handicapped stall..you know the big stall at the end that everyone likes using cause then you don't have to contort your body into some odd angle just to get your fingers on some toilet paper.  That one.

well, handicap stall opens first and I bolt into that one cause I've just drank four glasses of water and one glass of ice tea, and my bladder is starting to resemble a failing damn.  It's gonna blow.

I go and open the flood gates and then get up to wash my hands.  Then from behind me, one of the small stalls opens up and OUT COME FIVE GIRLS.....FIVE!!!

And no....not little kids.

FIVE FULLY GROWN ADULT WOMEN COME OUT OF ONE DAMN STALL....

now, I don't know what the hell was going on...but I think there was a party I missed of some kind....not that I'm into lesbian sex and toilets....cause...I just love boys and nice, clean, germ free areas if I'm gonna be doing the horizontal boogie all over it.....maybe that's just me....

Well....the five girls look at me, one of them smiles kinda sheepishly and gives me this explanation:

"She got scared."

Let's break this down....

"She" as in....one of the other four, fully grown, adult females...

"got scared."

OF WHAT?!

IS THE POTTY MONSTER REAL?!

OH SHIT, SERIOUSLY?

THE POTTY MONSTER IS REAL, ISN'T HE?!

FUCK!!!!

I just...I'm confused, and I'm a female...

is this the reason girls travel in herds to the bathroom?

in case a straggler gets picked off from a ninja butt yank from the toilet?  cause if so...I'm totally traveling with a potty buddy....and they need to hold my hand...

anyone wanna lend a hand?

p.s baby, if you're wondering why it took so long, it's cause I was writing this blog in my head before I left the restroom. sorry the garlic bread got cold. Love you.


6 comments:

King of New York Hacks said...

Pooping Partners ?? LOL Here in NYC they usually fit 12 in a handicap stall...ummm at least that's what I've heard LOL. Looks like you have created a captivating blog yourself here. Thank you for the kind words on mine, and please keep writing, so I can keep reading and laughing along with you. It would also be a pleasure to have you in my humble chariot...and again , thank you for your words...they are very well received and I look forward to more of your writing.
-Edward, King Of New York Hacks

JennyMac said...

LOL!!! I can say I have never seen five women in one stall.

Skippy said...

5 in one stall...reminds me of a clown car. Not sure if you read my post that is sorta similar to yours, well, sorta similar in that it has to do with the bathroom. check this one out...http://www.whenlifegivesyoulimes.com/2009/07/chatty-charlie.html

Gauche said...

King,
I do my best. thank you for the kind words.

Jenny,

I was surprised too. I mean, what the heck do you need four more girls for? I mean...okay...MAYBE one more...but four...come on....

Skippy,

I'm on my way to read it now.....

Taylor said...

Wow, they seriously fit 5 girls into 1 stall?!? It doesn't even seem possible! That's hilarious.

And thanks for visiting my blog, I linked to the store if you'd like to check it out :)

Gauche said...

Taylor,

Yeah...I was confused too. I'm wondering if they're practicing for a clown car or something.